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To many people who suffer from CRPS, Mental Conditions such as Depression, Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts and tendencies are daily battles. On the McGill Pain Index, CRPS sits at a 45, above Childbirth without training and Amputation of a finger/toe. Personally, I have been in pain for more than 166 days with pain never lower than a 6, which gives a pretty good reason to have thoughts like this. This is piece is more about my first summer with CRPS because currently, I am in a much better mental state.
I was diagnosed right before Stampede, a Calgarian annual rodeo, exhibition and festival. I had plans with friends to go to trampoline parks, amusement parks, and the stampede but instead I had to stay home because if my leg was down for too long, I would be screaming in pain. This pushed a wedge into "social life". The thing that got me the most is when people say that I am just lazy because I don't leave the house. It is hard to explain to people that every time my pant leg moves, it feels like thousands of knives digging into my bones. This use to REALLY BOTHER me which resulted in me having anxiety and panic attacks alongside suicidal thoughts. I remember telling my mom right after diagnosis, "I understand why people kill themselves" and it was the first time, I actually understood why people were depressed. After 6 days of having a 4 hours of sleep total, I honestly considered ending my pain. It was an honest thought and I was so close until I realized how much pain I would put everyone who I'm so grateful to have in my life through. I had notes for my best friend, boyfriend, mom, and every other family member you can name.
I deal with stuff on a daily basis but this was an extremely dark time that I concurred and I am so grateful for where I am now. I am almost back to where I was before my diagnosis. I am not saying that I do not get down-in-the-dumps but so does everyone and it is important to recognize for people with and without CRPS is that everyone suffers whether that is physical or mental issues.